i want to bleed.

black leggings, need red t-shirt

http://www.halloweenexpress.com/marilyn-monroe-wig-p-11418.html

i would just need felt for ears and such, and a gold crown. super easy.

http://www.pajamacity.com/Grey-Sweatshirt-Adult-Footed-Pajamas/productinfo/PJ-713-GR/

lady gaga
roller girl
mike wazowski
calvin, from calvin and hobbs
max, from where the wild things are
dead cheerleader

also. adderall is wonderful but i'm stuck at 118. i look small though, which is nice, but i want to be able to get back down to the weight i was before college

i am very quickly regretting sending joey germain a topless picture with my face. i could have just been strong and said no. i feel as though this will come back to haunt me.

peaches - fuck the pain away
mickey avalon - jane fonda
le tigre - deception
just dance - lady gaga
moonriver
jackson 5 - i'll be there
katy perry - i kissed a girl
USHER ft. young jeezy - Love In This Club
metro station - shake it

Heart of Darkness
Breakfast of Champions - Kurt Vonnegut jr.
Cat's Cradle -Kurt Vonnegut jr.
Crest

Authors:
Ernest Hemingway
F.Scoot Fitzgerald
J.D.Salinger
Agatha Christie
Kurt Vonnegut jr.
E.E. Cummings
Franz Kafka
Fyodor Dostoyevsky
George Orwell
JAck Kerouac
James Joyce
Ken Kesey
Salman Rushdie
Sylvia Plath
Virginia Wolf
Tamora Pierce
Christopher Marlowe
Evelyn Waugh
Erzra Pound
Hunter S. Thompson
John Locke
Niccolo Machaivelli
T.S.Elliot
Wallace Stevens



movies:
2081

1. roller suit in the alps (http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1772849)
2. bunggee jump off victorias falls
3. sky dive

i can't
what if
i will
i won't
i dont want to
its some what inevitable that i will

marry the wrong person.

happy birthday andrew.

I forgot how wonderful Salinger is. It make me want to re read Catcher.

"That's the whole trouble. You can't ever find a place that's nice and peaceful, because there isn't any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write "Fuck you" right under your nose. I think, even, if I ever die, and they stick me in a cemetery, and I have a tombstone and all, it'll say "Holden Caulfield" on it, and then what year I was born and what year I died, and then right under that it'll say "Fuck you." I'm positive."

“I'm sick of not having the courage to be an absolute nobody.”

“I don't exactly know what i mean by that, but I mean it.”

he's everywhere.

it's 5am and I'm awake.
I tried to sleep but my mind was stuck on play.
It's strange to think I will already be awake for an hour now. (kill me)

I Have to stealthily procure his address from teen wolf.
and, re do my room tomorrow.

all I ate today (yesterday?) was 3 chicken selects and some coke, rough 600 cals.
adderall and I are eloping to have a Vegas wedding.

I may finally be tired.

Woody Allen:
Celebrity *
Annie Hall @
Crimes and Misdemeanors
Radio Days
Vicky Cristina Barcelona

Mel Brooks:
Young Frankenstein *
Blazing Saddles
Spaceballs
Robin Hood: Men in Tights *

Tim Burton:
Sweeney Todd
Corpse Bride #
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory *
Big Fish *
Sleepy Hollow
Edward Scissorhands *
Beetle Juice #

Stanley Kubrick:
Eyes Wide Shut
Full Metal Jacket
The Shining *
A Clockwork Orange
2001: A Space Odyssey
Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb *
Lolita

Steven Speilberg:
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull #
Munich *
War of the Worlds *
Artificial Intelligence: AI *
Saving Private Ryan *
Amistad *
The Lost World: Jurassic Park *
Schindler's List *
Jurassic Park *
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade *
Empire of the Sun
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom *
E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial *
Raiders of the Lost Ark *
Jaws *

Ang Lee:
Brokeback Mountain

Spike Lee:
Inside Man *
Do the Right Thing *
School Daze
She's Gotta Have It *

James Cameron:
Titanic *

Quentin Tarantino:
Inglourious Basterds
Kill Bill: Vol. 2 *
Kill Bill: Vol. 1 *
Pulp Fiction
Reservoir Dogs

George Lucas:
Star Wars III - Revenge of the Sith
Star Wars II - Attack of the Clones
Star Wars I - The Phantom Menace

Joel and Ethan Coen:
Burn After Reading *
No Country for Old Men
Paris, I Love You
The Ladykillers
O Brother, Where Art Thou?
The Big Lebowski #
Fargo *
The Hudsucker Proxy
Barton Fink
Miller's Crossing

Gus Van Sant:
Milk *
Paris, I Love You
Finding Forrester
Psycho
Good Will Hunting *

Mike Nichols
Closer *
The Birdcage *
Working Girl
Catch-22
The Graduate
Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf

Roman Polanski:
The Pianist

Clint Eastwood:
Gran Torino
Changeling
Million Dollar Baby*
Mystic River

Danny Boyle:
Slumdog Millionaire *
Trainspotting
The Beach *

Milos Forman:
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest *

Francis Ford Coppola:
Apocalypse Now *

Jess Franco:
Vampyros Lesbos
She Killed in Ecstasy
Venus in Furs

other:
Little Children
Reservation Road


Key:
* = seen it (like it)
@ = seen it (did not like it)
# = meh
ABC = to see

so he's sweet, and he treats me well but. we were making out and he said 'are you on birth control' 'no' 'shit, i don't have a condom' 'neither do i' (making out continues) then he went down on me, so i was fully prepared to go down on him and undid his belt, jeans, got it out ect. but then he took control and we were making out and then he was inside me. and in my head i'm screaming at myself, but i'm just lying there letting him fuck me. it's so sick that i let myself do that, i'm so ashamed. i have this sick and fucked up need to please boys and i hate the disapointment if i don't do what they want, so i let them fuck me. it's extremly fucked up and i hate it. but i pushed sam sans out of my head, i can push colin out too.

on the plus side, apparently i come off as a 'confident and bubbly person'. (colin's dad left when he was 5, he suffers from depression and anxiety and panic disorders, his mums really chill and smokes a lot of pot too, his two older sisters are super nice, he has a 6 year old niece who he wants to be a good role model for, and all he wants in life is to be a good father and husband) why did he have to fuck with with out asking.

I'm made it below 120 for the first time in i don't know how long! SWEET!

7:14pmAndrew
idk i can squeeze a visit i just dont wana see some people there

7:16pmKate
well then i guess you just dont ever come up then
:)

7:16pmAndrew
well
idk do i get to see you?

7:16pmKate
am i one of those people you dont want to see :P

7:16pmAndrew
lol no

7:16pmAndrew
lol no

its some other girl so dont worry about it

7:17pmKate
yeah you'd get to see me

and make up some bogus story so you dont have to see them, you lie well when you want to :P

7:18pmAndrew
lol

true

i just dont wana see her cuz yeah shes just one of those girls that i will fall for every time, and no matter what

7:19pmKate
this is katie, i asume?

7:19pmAndrew
yes

Kate
well then maybe you shouldn't come up

7:21pmAndrew
sigh

its not like that

its if she hears im in VT she will come see me and seduce me again

and im done with grils like that

it pisses me off


Kate
girls who want to have sex with you?

7:23pmKate
slash, if i remember correctly your a pretty big 'ladies man'... isn't it good when girls do that?

7:26pmAndrew
lol

thing is im sick of that now

:P

7:27pmAndrew
lol

no i just want some thing that is more than hey im horney fuck my brains out cuz thats too easy, i wana have a conversation every now and then ya know

7:28pmKate
aww look at you

Andrew
............

7:28pmKate
your growing up

*you're

its nice to see

:P
7:29pmAndrew
alright alright

dont go spreading that around now

7:29pmKate
haha my lips are sealed

7:29pmAndrew
;)

7:33pmAndrew
ya know what i mean though right?

7:33pmKate
about what?

wanting more than sex?

7:37pmKate
and now you're gone

:P

7:42pmAndrew
im here






so now he's sick of random sex, ect.
he got his year of fun.
and now he's ready.
what the fuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

It's not that I feel better, it's so I don't feel worse